


NDRV3 Monsters AU Group Chat

by Mistropolis



Series: Through mist and lives and pain and hope [2]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Everyone's a monster, Group Chat Fic, Multi, No Spoilers, welcome to my weirder fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistropolis/pseuds/Mistropolis
Summary: The V3 kids are all monsters. Residing in the Wildheart Manor owned by Iruma, the group got down to mortal shennanigans (and otherworldly ones too).





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Again, a pre-release fic. This is the true representation of my shtick, just weird AUs. But anyway hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> Note on everyone's username:  
> Piano baka = Kaede  
> sweaterboi = Amami  
> (*insert aesthetic word*) Steampunk = Iruma  
> Violet Prince = Ouma  
> Kiibo = Right on the tin  
> Gonta = Also right on the tin  
> dying day in and day out = Saihara  
> Miss Changeling = Shirogane  
> Human Enthusiast = Shinguuji  
> Sick of your shite = Tenko  
> Toujou Kirumi = Another right on the tin  
> RedRapunzel = Maki  
> Prince of Tennis = Hoshi  
> cosmicthunder = Momota  
> RealMage = Himiko  
> ✧*｡Angie✧*｡ = Yet another right on the tin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a new tenant in Iruma's ridiculously huge Wildheart Manor, Kaede is welcomed to the family with an orientation party. What could go wrong?

**Vintage Steampunk** added **Piano baka** to the group!

  
**Piano baka** : Um, is anyone here?

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Yes!! Angie is heading home!! Has Kaede-chan adept to our home yet?

  
**Piano baka** : I can't say for sure, but I think it's pretty great so far! It's just… What's with all these Panta lying around?

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : I told Ouma not to put his stuff everywhere, but he just won't listen.

  
**Violet Prince** : Excuse me??? None of my possessions are for mortals like you!

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : For the last time, I'm not a goddamn mortal.

  
**Piano baka** : Hello! You guys must be my friends in the future! How may I call you guys? Toujou-san and…

  
**Violet Prince** : Future overlord of the whole world.

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : Ouma Kokichi. Just call him Ouma.

  
**Violet Prince** : Underlings such as you have no right to utter my full name!

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie thinks you guys should stop this argument!! Miu-chan, where are you????

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : here! forgive me kaede my dear tenant, im a busy lady!

  
**Piano baka** : I didn't think you were into "vintage"?…

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : its called aesthetics! oh! i see you guys are talking about oumas panta! not to worry, toujousan will take care of that.

  
**Piano baka** : Actually, I was wondering about our orientation party…

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : oh! damn i cant believe i forgot! toujousan, hows it going???

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : For the last time, I'm your housekeeper, not a party organiser.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : cmon! i know you are that nice!

  
**Piano baka** : Um, guys, if you don't mind, I'm leaving for my orchestra practice! Can't miss it for the world! It's okay if you guys are not prepared, I'm cool with that! Bye! 

  
**Piano baka** has gone **Offline!**

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : shite. looks like weve tried too hard.

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : Told you it's not a good idea.

  
**Violet Prince** : Looks like it's time I bring everyone back, don't you think?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : a few more seconds, ouma. she probably didnt leave the house yet.

  
**Violet Prince** : I know that, plebian, I'm specifically declaring I'm going to snatch those guys back.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : kay! go for it!

  
**cosmicthunder** : wait!!! dont come for me!!!

  
**Violet Prince** : ๑乛◡乛๑ I wonder why?

  
**cosmicthunder** : are you really interested in seeing my junk?

  
**Violet Prince** : GROSS!!! When are you kicking this guy's arse out, Iruma?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : he pays the highest rent, i need life auras a lot lately, what more can i say?

  
**Violet Prince** : Sooner or later, I'm petrifying him into stone forever.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : let it go, my dude. yo momota, is hoshi with you?

  
**Prince of Tennis** : i'm right here.

  
**Violet Prince** : For the last time, Hoshi, only one of us can have "prince" in our handle.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : say that to my tennis racket.

  
**Violet Prince** : Say that to my six heads!!

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : cease thy argument at once!!! momota, hoshi, have you bought the sodas, or have you been hiding in the closet the whole time?

  
**Prince of Tennis** : is that a visual pun?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : yay! :D

  
**Prince of Tennis** : -_- this aside, yes i've got them. "i've" because momota has been stuck here the whole time. and for the record, i'm just outside of the closet he's stuck in. i'm not stuck in the closet.

  
**Violet Prince** : That's it. I'm petrifying their arses.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : ouma stop!!!! do me a favor and pick up the gals.

  
**Violet Prince** : Really, me? May I pick up my guy first?

  
**sweaterboi** : you don't get to pick me up. i'm right in the hall.

  
**Violet Prince** : I'm not talking about you, mortal! I'm talking about my dragon bf!

  
**sweaterboi** : not even in the face of this delicious cake?

  
**Violet Prince** : You can't bait me, foolish mortal! Anyway~~ Come out come out, wherever you are, my dragon~~

  
**dying day in and day out** : Stop your gross chant. I'm right in the hall.

  
**sweaterboi** : with me •ᴗ•

  
**Violet Prince** : HOW DID I MISS YOU

  
**dying day in and day out** : -_-

  
**Violet Prince** : FINE!!! I'm picking up the gals.

  
**RedRapunzel** : Don't tear me from the ceiling, Ouma. I'm warning you.

  
**RealMage** : Y'know where I am. Ya won't wanna step in, unless ya wanna revert into a snake.

  
**Miss Changeling** : I'm done working guys!!! Let us start discussing!!~~

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : wait!!!!! wheres kiibo, gonta, shinguuji and tenko?

  
**Sick of your shite** : Tenko is right here!!!!

  
**Kiibo** : Sorry, I was really tired after decorating the Hall.

  
**Gonta** : Gonta here! Anything you guys need from the wild?

  
**Human Enthusiast** : I don't think that's how parties work, Gokuhara-kun.

  
**Gonta** : ●^●

  
**Human Enthusiast** : However, your efforts are much appreciated.

  
**Gonta** : ∩_∩

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : alright~~~~~~ lets see what weve got so far! so hoshi has brought in the soft drinks, amami got the cake, kiibo got the decoration. himiko, hows the punch going?

  
**RealMage** : As good as it is. Won't blow people up, I reassure you.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : toujousan, hows your grocery run going?

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : I'm done, and heading back.

  
**Violet Prince** : Any Panta in it???

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : …

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : kay that leaves party food!!! i guess i too have to work with that, im heading to the kitchen.

  
**Gonta** : Gonta will help you with that!

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : I'm nearly home. I'll help too.

  
**Sick of your shite** : Wait! What does that leave with Tenko, Tsumugi, Angie and Maki?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : you guys… can help with coming up with party tricks and work supervision, i suppose. angies already helped with decorations, makis keeping the stray ghost kids out, too.

  
**Violet Prince** : What about me??? And Shinguuji?

  
**Human Enthusiast** : I have already helped with decorations.

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : ouma, you can go help with security.

  
**Violet Prince** : Putting me in the most boring place again, I see (ㅎ‸ㅎ) WHY DIDN'T I GET TO DO FUN STUFF TOO

  
**dying day in and day out** : Stop whining. I'll come with you if you are really that lonely.

  
**Violet Prince** : (ꈍᴗꈍ) I know my bf won't abandon me! *^o^*

  
**dying day in and day out** : ;)

  
**sweaterboi** : while i'm all alone again ●^●

  
**dying day in and day out** : I guess you can join us too.

  
**Violet Prince** : (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

  
**dying day in and day out** : Come on

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : that settles everything!! lets get to work!!!

  
**cosmicthunder** : guys??? what about me?????????

* * *

  
**Piano baka** has come back **Online!**

  
**Piano baka** : Guys! I'm back from orchestra practice

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : yo our star is finally here! come on in kaede!!!

  
**Piano baka** : did you guys make the arch.look like theocean on purpose

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : yes! youre a siren, we thought that would fit you! i hope you love those little fishes i added too!!!

  
**Piano baka** : not. feeling well

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : kaede? whats wrong?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : did i screw up the shark???? or the octopus???

  
**Piano baka** : helpmepleasedontwantthishelpme

  
**Miss Changeling** : @ **Violet Prince** @ **sweaterboi** @ **dying day in and day out** Guys stop patrolling the back of the manor, Kaede needs help!

  
**Violet Prince** : Even though I just caught this human???

  
**RedRapunzel** : It's useless to call help from them. I'm gonna check up on her myself.

  
**RedRapunzel** has gone **Offline!**

  
**RedRapunzel** has come back **Online!**

  
**Piano baka** : What… happened?

  
**RedRapunzel** : You fainted. No idea why, but you did.

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie and everyone else were so worried about Kaede-chan!!! What's wrong???

  
**Piano baka** : I… have thalassophobia.

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Thalassophobia?

  
**Piano baka** : It means an irrational fear of the ocean.

  
**Piano baka** : When I was a kid, I grew up in a small lake, unlike everyone else. I loved it there, the small fishes and deer that live nearby enjoy my music a lot. Even the humans who play in the forest around the lake love my singing, and they never disturb me like the sailors would with my cousins.

  
**Piano baka** : But then… my family thought it was time I move back. I was only relocated to the lake because a prognostic Rider told them that I wouldn't live pass childhood in the ocean. Well, turns out I couldn't survive there at all.

  
**Piano baka** : Everyday I whined to my parents why I was born a siren with fear of the ocean. I couldn't find any peace in the ocean, the vast emptiness, the creatures inhabited there… They all terrify me. The only consolation comes in the form of a piano hidden in our tribe's treasure trove.

  
**Piano baka** : Back in the lake, some humans who wanted to play music with me often brought along a mini piano with them and teach me their music. I loved it. While I was trapped in the ocean, I would play those songs I still remembered.

  
**Piano baka** : Eventually, my parents agreed that I was too uncomfortable living in the ocean, so I can move onto land or the lake. I missed the lake, and I still do, but I also wanted to see the human world out there. So, I moved in here, knowing I can still connect to my fellow monsters here without forgetting my origins, and able to go out there and finally see the world.

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : (╥╯^╰╥) Angie is so sorry she messed up! Angie thought you would love the oceanic design, so Angie, Kiibo and Miu-chan placed those decorations up! Angie is very sorry ●^●

  
**Piano baka** : It's okay, I understand. It's not like you guys have met weirdos like me before!

  
**RedRapunzel** : No. Don't call yourself a weirdo. There's nothing wrong with you. Phobias are common, and you shouldn't feel bad about having them.

  
**Piano baka** : Thanks, Harukawa-san.

  
**RedRapunzel** : Just call me Maki.

  
**Miss Changeling** : Wow! You just met us today and you have already earned Maki's favor! Kaede, you're very brilliant!

  
**Violet Prince** : ~~sexual tension~~

  
**dying day in and day out** : This is what we are not gonna have if you keep teasing them.

  
**Violet Prince** : 〣( ºΔº )〣 Color me "not interested anymore".

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : anyway, welcome to our family kaede!!!~~

  
**Piano baka** : (*^．^*) I'm gonna rest in my room a bit more before attending the party. See you guys later!

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : alrighty!!

  
**Piano baka** has gone **Offline!**

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : i hope she really likes the room!

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : wait

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : harukawasan help stop kaede!!!!!!!

  
**RedRapunzel** : What is it this time?

  
**Vintage Steampunk** : I DECORATED HER ROOM WITH OCEANIC STUFF TOO

  
**RedRapunzel** : Oh goddamnit

  
**cosmicthunder** : guys?????!!!!!! im still stuck help me too!!!!

  
**Violet Prince** : Looks like a great time for me to help by petrifying you ●ｖ● It will hurt less when you can't feel anything 罒ω罒

  
**cosmicthunder** : no pls!!!!!!!!!!

  
**cosmicthunder** and **Violet Prince** have gone **Offline!**

 


	2. Who am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede learns what monster everyone is.

**Piano baka** : So, I've lived with you guys for a whole week already…

  
**Piano baka** : And I've been wondering… what exact kind of monster/peculiar are you guys???

  
**Gothic Steampunk** : best you not know, darling!

  
**Miss Changeling** : I feel like my species is right on the tin???

  
**Piano baka** : Let's start with you, Shirogane-san! Did you really replace a kid when you were young?

  
**Miss Changeling** : Yes, that's true!

  
**Miss Changeling** : I grew up in a Japanese household―which is strange when you consider it, since Japanese are not very rooted in legends concerning changelings. Anyway, my childhood is happy though―my human parents adore me, I have the best provisions and education on human culture. I'm a wonderful daughter to them.

  
**Piano baka** : Did you ever learn back any magic from your fairy family? What about the human child you replace?

  
**Miss Changeling** : I am pretty adept, if I do say so myself! Turns out my gift is in transformation! I can easily transform into another person whose face I've memorized. Sometimes, when the needs rise, I can even make others transform too!

  
**Miss Changeling** : And the human child is alright, last I heard. Turns out they were the heroine of the long-held prophecy of our tribe! That's why they were raised there instead, to become our champion against a hostile group of banshees who wanted to take over our living space.

  
**Miss Changeling** : To keep up my facade, I can't ever communicate with them in any way, but I admire them nonetheless!

  
**Piano baka** : I see! That's an interesting background!

  
**Piano baka** : @ **RealMage** So, Yumeno-san, are your species right on the tin too? But I didn't think witches and mages are any different??

  
**RealMage** : I cannot believe ya would make such a naive assumption, ya whippersnapper. Also, I'm a Mage. That is a rank higher than Witches.

  
**Piano baka** : (๑• . •๑) I wonder what does that mean???

  
**RealMage** : Bio lessons, it seems.

  
**RealMage** : Witches are what humans call the peculiars who can channel and manipulate magical energies.

  
**RealMage** : They are wild and out of control. They need spells, familiars, and even artifacts to use their magic.

  
**RealMage** : Us Mages are vastly different. We don't need those shite to do what we want. We can easily will it, with the assistance of an artifact or talisman at the very most. That's why we are much more superior to them.

  
**RealMage** : However, tending to the needs of those of you who don't seem to grasp this concept, I specifically choose this handle instead. Okay, that's it, whippersnapper. I'mma go back to my potion.

  
**Piano baka** : (⊙o⊙) That's something to remember, I guess.

  
**Piano baka** : Anybody else? I really want to know about you guys!

  
**Gothic Steampunk** : how about this, kaede. we give you facts about ourselves, and you guess what we are! sounds good???

  
**Piano baka** : Yeah, I guess so! So who first?

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : Why should I indulge you guys like this?

  
**Piano baka** : Come on, Toujou-san! It'll be fun!

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : I will just tell you. I'm a wood nymph.

  
**Violet Prince** : No! She's lying! She came after me, and Iruma and I have never seen her doing anything nymph-like!

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : That's none of your business.

  
**Violet Prince** : I've seen her sprouting demon wings! Nymphs don't have those!

  
**Gothic Steampunk** : hush hush ouma! let kaede figure them out herself!

  
**Piano baka** : Theoretically speaking, demons shouldn't exist… You… are a Fury???

  
**Toujou Kirumi** : No. Told you I'm a wood nymph.

  
**Violet Prince** : ┐(´-｀)┌ Told you it's impossible to know.

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie would do that if Kaede-chan is interested!

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie loves making art that conveys messages from the god of the island. And she loves playing friendly practical jokes on everyone else!

  
**Violet Prince** : "Friendly practical jokes" more like ACTUAL VILE STUFF like putting away my Panta!!!!

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : That is not of concern to Angie! Guess Kaede-chan!

  
**Piano baka** : Angie sounds like a type of fairy, playing pranks as your major attribute… Pixie?

  
**✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Correct! Angie is a Pixie! Perhaps the short stature and child-like appearance gives it away?

  
**Piano baka** : Not exactly! But I'd like to research on sprites sometimes, so I know a bit more on them.

  
**Gonta** : How about Kaede guess Gonta's species? Gonta loves the wild and helps feeding the poor.

  
**Piano baka** : Huh? That sounds strangely specific and not monster-like.

  
**Piano baka** : How do you help the poor?

  
**Gonta** : Gonta helps by leaving them food! Fresh from the wild!

  
**Piano baka** : Helps the poor by leaving them food…

  
**Piano baka** : Gonta, are you a wulver?

  
**Gonta** : *^o^* Correct!

  
**Piano baka** : That's really great of you! But I thought wulvers can't transform??? Then how does Gonta stay human?

  
**Gonta** : Survival of the fittest! Without this ability, it's hard for Gonta to live easily in this world!

  
**Piano baka** : I see, so you earn this skill to adapt!

  
**Piano baka** : Anybody else up for the guessing?

  
**Sick of your shite** : Tenko and Shinguuji will let you guess! We were both common humans before!

  
**Human Enthusiast** : First thing first, Chabashira-san, you did not ask me if I would like to participate. Secondly, you just out us as peculiars, and turned instead of naturals nonetheless.

  
**Sick of your shite** : Ya boys shouldn't complain! Second clue: we both deal with the dead.

  
**Piano baka** : Were humans but turned into peculiars, and deal with the dead?…

  
**Piano baka** : You guys have me stumped.

  
**RedRapunzel** : Tenko kind of hates her job, but Shinguuji loves it.

  
**Sick of your shite** : Maki-chan?! You are not playing fair here!!!

  
**RedRapunzel** : Iruma didn't say others can't give clues. Also, they have different roots in cultural mythologies.

  
**Piano baka** : Tenko, you hate boys, don't you?

  
**Sick of your shite** : That is true!!!!!

  
**Piano baka** : Tenko, you are a Valkyrie, aren't you???

  
**Sick of your shite** : Tenko is a Valkyrie-in-training, but Tenko thinks Kaede has gotten it right!

  
**Sick of your shite** : But how does Kaede figure that out???

  
**Piano baka** : You mention dealing with the dead, have different origins in the cultural aspect, and hate boys…

  
**Piano baka** : I recall that Valkyries are the ones who pick out who die in battles in Norse mythology, and usually older times have predominantly male warriors… Since Tenko deals with the dead, you would have to choose which warriors die and personally escort them to Valhalla. Since Maki says you hate your job, it must be because you hate escorting those boys to a place you consider holy!

  
**Sick of your shite** : Very spot-on! So what about Shinguuji?

  
**Piano baka** : Um… No clues yet ~_~

  
**Human Enthusiast** : For another lead―I enjoy telling strange stories to passer-bys.

  
**Piano baka** : ┑(￣Д ￣)┍

  
**Human Enthusiast** : I am a Shikigami. Aoandon.

  
**Piano baka** : Shikigami? Aoandon?

  
**Human Enthusiast** : I am the ghost of blue paper lanterns. It originates from a traditional Japanese event named Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai. When the hundredth tale is told, the lanterns release yōkai, such as me, to the human world. I'm the Shikigami you can contract to take away someone's souls, though they are not my necessity.

  
**Human Enthusiast** : It's not exactly a job that I enjoy a lot, since I adore humans, but it's still okay, because the price my contractor pays is a truly unique folk tale.

  
 **Human Enthusiast** : If they fail to do so―then their souls don't deserve to exist anymore, either. That way, I can also take away my contractor's soul.

  
**Piano baka** : ヾ(Ő∀Ő)ﾉ Curiouser and curiouser!

  
**Violet Prince** : Kaede: 3, Everyone else (sans Shirogane, Yumeno, Toujou): 1

  
**Kiibo** : I have been informed about this game!

  
**Kiibo** : Akamatsu-san, I am a Kubinashi. Also a Shikigami!

  
**Violet Prince** : ╮(╯▽╰)╭ This is not how you play the game, Kiibo! You're supposed to give her clues!

  
**Violet Prince** : I guess that makes Kaede: 3, Everyone else (sans Shirogane, Yumeno, Toujou, Kiibo): 1

  
**Kiibo** : X_X I'm sorry, Akamatsu-san.

  
**Piano baka** : It's cool, don't sweat it! Can you tell me about yourself?

  
**Kiibo** : Kubinashi means "Neck-less". I'm a Shikigami that helps people find their destinations and direct them onto the right paths.

  
**Violet Prince** : Imagine our shock when we realize our lovely robotic-looking companion here is actually a Shikigami~ Despite the lack of neck, he's definitely pretty cute, don't you think?

  
 **dying day in and day out** : Did you really just flirt with Kiibo while I'm out?

  
**sweaterboi** : ●ｖ● been a naughty boy, didn't you?

  
**Violet Prince** : Not your business, mortal!

  
**Violet Prince** : Hey Shuuichi, perhaps you can let Akamatsu-chan venture a guess about you?

  
**dying day in and day out** : 눈_눈

  
**Violet Prince** : C'mon~~~

  
**dying day in and day out** : Alright.

  
**dying day in and day out** : I am one of the oldest creatures to ever exist, have scales and a soul companion. Humans tend to admire us as the most majestic of all monsters.

  
**Piano baka** : Dragons!

  
**Violet Prince** : (´°Δ°`) You're being too obvious, my dear detective.

  
**dying day in and day out** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

  
**Piano baka** : I wonder about Amami?…

  
**sweaterboi** : human! ∩_∩ i'm saihara's companion.

  
**Piano baka** : (ノ°ο°)ノ You are the companion! I see!

  
**Piano baka** : Anymore up to the game?

  
Violet Prince: Kaede: 4, Everyone else (sans Shirogane, Yumeno, Toujou, Kiibo, Amami): 1

  
**Piano baka** : @ **RedRapunzel** @ **Violet Prince** @ **Gothic Steampunk** @ **cosmicthunder** @ **Prince of Tennis** Only you guys now~~~

  
**Gothic Steampun** k has blocked notifications for this group!

  
**RedRapunzel** has blocked notifications for this group!

  
**Piano baka** : (´°Δ°`) Why???

  
**Violet Prince** : Special snowflakes, y'know.

  
**dying day in and day out** : Did you really just say that knowing you have that scene look on you?

  
**Violet Prince** : Did you really just say that knowing you have that emo look on you?

  
**sweaterboi** : You two, take your flirting to your private chat ๑乛◡乛๑

  
**Piano baka** : Anyway!!! Time for y'all to open up!

  
**cosmicthunder** : i will open up when you get me out of this damn stupid closet!!!!!

  
**Prince of Tennis** : i'm smaller than my brethren, i vanquish evil for a living, i'm reminiscent of a type of bird.

  
**Piano baka** : Something tells me it has to deal with Shikigami again.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : :)

  
**Piano baka** : What Shikigami vanquishes evil…

  
**Piano baka** : Tengu?

  
**Prince of Tennis** : you are nearly there.

  
**Piano baka** : Kotengu?

  
**Prince of Tennis** : technically, it's karasu-tengu. close enough though, i'd say.

  
**Piano baka** : :D Story! Story!

  
**Prince of Tennis** : it happened centuries ago, yet it still feels like yesterday…

  
**Prince of Tennis** : my brethren, the rest of the kotengu, left our home to the human world, a hotpot of chaos and pathetic evil. our holy mission is to eradicate the world of evil―but it is also important to remember not to lose ourselves and become equally beastly in the process.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : but that one time, i break the taboo.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : i was fighting a bunch of mafia members―the battle lasted for days, bloodshed and carnage everywhere. i was close to destroying them―but then, an innocent intruder tears my mask right off my face.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : unlike what japs have rumored, not all tengu have a long nose resembling that of a beak. me, i'm one of them. i merely have a red mask to conceal my shamefully humane face.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : it is forbidden for mortals to know of our true face when we lack a beak―i don't have a choice, but to… get rid of them all indiscriminately.

  
**Prince of Tennis** : ultimately, i am deemed no longer worthy to be among my brethren for my misdeed. thus, i am here, trapped in limbo between my honour and my fall, with no release ever in sight.

  
**Violet Prince** : Okay! Timeout! That's been too long!

  
**Violet Prince** : Also, Momota is a Thunderbird! Mystery's solved!

  
**cosmicthunder** : did you seriously just tell her so she won't come for me?????!!!!!

  
**Violet Prince** : Kaede: 5, Everyone else (sans Shirogane, Yumeno, Toujou, Kiibo, Amami, Momota): 1

  
**Violet Prince** : Alright! It's my turn!

  
**cosmicthunder** : ouma is a fucking hydra! no need to guess anymore!

  
**Violet Prince** : why are you ruining my fun???

  
**cosmicthunder** : serves your evil ass right!

  
**Piano baka** : Time out for you both! @ **RedRapunzel** @ **Gothic Steampunk** Are you guys not gonna speak up at all? Not that it's bad, but I just wanna make sure you're okay.

  
**RedRapunzel** : I would prefer not to talk about myself that much, but thanks for your concern.

  
**Gothic Steampunk** : me 2 kaede

  
 **Piano baka** : It's quite alright! Just take care! Don't stress yourself out! 6:30 p.m.

  
**RedRapunzel** has gone **Offline!**

  
**Gothic Steampunk** has gone **Offline!**

  
**Piano baka** : I hope they're really alright…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like Exposition: the Chapter except we are left with more questions.
> 
> Anyway thanks for the support! Chapter 3 and onwards are written after I have watched lps of the game, but don't worry! I maintain a strict "no spoilers" policy.


	3. Love is in the Air! (Or is it?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans Valentine's Day is approaching. Some of Kaede's housemates are excited, but some look ready for war.

**Piano baka** has come back  **Online!**

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : oh! kaede youre back early!

 

 **Piano baka** : You changed back to vintage? Oh yeah to your question: the choir director is busy "romancing" her girlfriend, whatever that means.

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : um… kaede you dont know what romancing is???

 

 **Piano baka** : It's not that! I'm just not familiar with stuff like that. Back in my ocean, I'm too busy… y'know…

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : ehh sorry for making you think of stuff like that. if you want, we can be anti-love buddies together this week!

 

 **Piano baka** : … Anti-love buddies?? This whole week?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Iruma-san does it every Valentine's Day. Said the two of us are the only aros back then, so we'll be celebrating it with watching movies and "dunking" in doughnuts, whatever that means.

 

 **Violet Prince** : That's only because you nerds have never tried dating anyone! Right Saihara-chan?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : … I'm not joining a war.

 

 **Violet Prince** : p(´⌒｀｡q)｡゜. uwaaaaaa my beloved Saihara-chan doesn't have my back ค(TㅅT)ค

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Ouma we've talked about your manipulation issues.

 

 **Violet Prince** : ♬︎*(๑ºั╰︎╯︎ºั๑)♡︎ Ohhhh yeah? I don't think so? ( ˘ω˘ ) 

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Any more lying and I'm not joining you for movie marathon this week.

 

 **Violet Prince** : (°Д°≡°Д°)   !!!∑(°Д°ノ)ノ   SAIHARACHAN PLS NO IM NOT MISBEHAVING AGAIN BCHVGYFSXFGHGGFTGG

 

 **Piano baka** : With the risk of sounding impolite… Are they like this all the time?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Even without Valentine's Day, they are, for the lack of a better word, sappy like this.

 

 **Piano baka** : Speaking of which… What exactly is Valentine's Day?

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : That's a good question.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Emperor Claudius II executed two men — both named Valentine — on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine's Day. That is how Valentine's Day comes to be.

 

 **Violet Prince** : … Are you sure?

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : shinguuji is our expert in humanology, remember?? now that you know of this actual and metal origin of valentines, bow down to our anti-love brigade!!!

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : I don't recall joining that?

 

 **Piano baka** : Me too?? ?_?

 

 **Violet Prince** : never! the love army will rise and crush you! right, shirogane-chan?!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : ofc ouma-kun!

 

 **Violet Prince** : See???

 

 **Miss Changeling** : … if only kawoshin is canon and alive.

 

 **Miss Changeling** : i'm on the anti-love brigade!!!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Take this producers! Pia!(ｏ ‵-′)ノ”(ノ﹏<。)

 

 **Violet Prince** : ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shirogane-chan??? how could you???

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : kyakyakya!! deal with it limp tail!

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : come now! it's the anti-love brigade or the love wormies~~

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I did not join this group chat so I can be spammed every damn second.

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : then join us! we got doughnuts and smoothies! and protection charms against spam

 

 **RedRapunzel** has left the group chat

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : how dare you???

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : i dont care! yall choose a side this afternoon.

 

 **Violet Prince** : Exactly!! No more hiding down like this! WE WILL HAVE OUR FREEDOM OF LOVE BACKCKCKCK

* * *

**Piano baka** : … I fucked up really badly this time.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : True! I've been getting spams from them every second! Angie can't concentrate on her vertigo works!            ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

 

 **RealMage** : This is totally just a game for them.

 

 **Sick of your shite** : What the Helheim is happening? And they are silent now?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : I sent them on a wild goose chase and kicked them out. That should buy us some time.

 

 **Piano baka** : So… Whatever should we do?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : like trying to find out what goes up their arses and fucking solve it?

 

 **Piano baka** : Hello Momota-kun! Are you finally out of your closet??

 

 **cosmicthunder** : must you remind me of my shame

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i lost my totem one time ppl! ONE TIME! 

 

 **cosmicthunder** : but anyway let's get back on topic. does my lovely assistant have any insight?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : welp, akamatsu-san just happened to mention her choir director "romancing" her girlfriend, and iruma instantly suggests the two "being anti-love buddies"… i lost track of their logic after that and i still haven't read through everything.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : hmm maybe iruma has an unrequited crush herself? and now hates valentines?

 

 **Piano baka** : But I thought she said Toujou-san and her are aros?? And also how come you guys never question stuff like that, I came along much later?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : welp every year it's the lovebirds celebrating valentines in the main hall while iruma works away with w/e in the basement. and she never lets us in so, no way we'd know either!

 

 **Piano baka** : Toujou-san did say she is the only one who's been "anti-love buddies" with Iruma-san, maybe Toujou-san can answer our questions?

 

 **Piano baka** : Also who are the couples?? I wanna know :-P

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Just ask me akamatsu! I've got a shipping chart and everything!

 

 **RealMage** : I'm honestly astounded by Akamatsu's ability of summoning demons.

 

 **Piano baka** : huh???

 

 **Miss Changeling** : first up is my otp ― tenmiko! i just cant resist cute ships where one protects the other and everything is fluffy as heck, you feel me???? it takes a terrrrrrrrrribly long time for chabashira confess, but when the time comes everything is perfect (◍ ´꒳` ◍)

 

 **Sick of your** **shite** : errrrrrr shirogane-san??? what are u doing?

 

 **Miss Changeling** : next up is oumasai! i dont like slow burn honestly, but those two are just really cute and have such nice dynamic! the whole theme of saihara trying to know ouma is top-notch ship materials! it makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside just thinking about it! it's the ship to end all others          (*´艸`*)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : … im extremely confused

 

 **cosmicthunder** : you broke shuuichi so much he cant type properly! what monster are you??

 

 **Miss Changeling** : changelings! basically fairies! and fairies are natural matchmakers! it's the reason i exist!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : anyway for my third ship itd be toushi! mature ppl being paired up together, sharing their collective pains and dreams together are my top kink! ships like that are the best!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I shall sincerely implore you to stop talking forever.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : you even awakened hoshi! this madness has to stop! 

 

 **Miss Changeling** : ovo??? what can you do?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** has removed  **Miss Changeling** from the group chat

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : for the first time in forever im glad my admin rights havent revoked.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ?? when were u an admin

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : do you wanna be the next?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Okay, I'm off my barista job. What is it you people need?

 

 **Piano baka** : Toujou-san!!! Please help us Iruma and Ouma have gone up a whole notch!!!

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : I see… How about Saihara-san has a talk with Ouma?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : actually, i have already considered that.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Good. Then what do you people want me to do with Iruma-san?

 

 **Piano baka** : Um… We are considering…

* * *

**Vintage Steampunk** : yo ive come back

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : um

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : why…………………………… 

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : holy sHIT SHIT SHIT SHI

* * *

private chat with  **Toujou Kirumi**

**Piano baka** : So… How did it go?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Like you guys said, she did had a crush on me……

* * *

**Piano baka** : Um… We are considering…

 

 **Piano baka** : If you could find out the true nature of what Iruma feels about you?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : ?? We are friends.

 

 **Piano baka** : True, but maybe she feels differently you know? 

 

 **Piano baka** : I mean, if she just wants to be "buddies" back then, why… Do you guys spend Valentines like this every year? I mean, dunking in doughnuts and watching movies, they do seem innocuous enough, but doesn't she do anything else?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Now that you mention… She always plays romance films.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : And we buy doughnuts together with Valentines deals…

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : I suppose I know what I should do.

* * *

private chat with  **Toujou Kirumi**

**Toujou Kirumi** : It truly has been a whiplash last night.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Iruma-san told me she had a crush on me for quite some time when I fought off a frost giant a few years back. I honestly can't imagine.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : She told me the crush didn't really last long but she might or might not still had "lingering affections". 

 

 **Piano baka** : So did you guys get together?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : No. We decided that the friendship we share is much too precious to lose, so we are back on familial terms.

 

 **Piano baka** : That's nice （*＾ワ＾*）I hope everything goes back to peace then!

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Not really, Akamatsu-san. It's rent-paying season, and I hardly think things will calm down.

 

 **Piano baka** : Rent-paying season?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Recall Chabashira-san's accounts of what Helheim looks like. Then you'd know.

* * *

**Vintage Steampunk** : OLLO PPL IT'S  _RENT-PAYING TIMES~~~_

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : momota hold onto your life auras chabashira hold onto your bone steel shinguuji hold onto your soul shards

 

 **Vintage Steampunk** : 'cos it's  _RENT-PAYING TIMES~~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha sorry if the chapter looks kinda rushed I wrote this on a whim and kinda lost motivation. me bad.
> 
> *Disclaimer: None of Shirogane's shipping opinions are in any way, shape or form resembling that of Misty's.
> 
> *Okay maybe the ones regarding Oumasai is. But that's about it.
> 
> Consider the ending a foreshadowing of the next chapter! Next time we'll (hopefully) see more of the monsters' world!


	4. Rental problems of a certain Magnitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the two-month free trial, Kaede officially has to start paying rent. But Iruma doesn't deal in mortal money…

**Piano baka** has come back  **Online!**

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : so, kaede…

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : i believe its time i receive rent from you???

 

 **Piano baka** : Huh? It's been two months already?

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : yeah! im getting excited at the idea of what a sea monster will give me!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : perhaps youll finally give me glowbug that lil' sea doggie??? ｡◕‿◕｡

 

 **Glowbug (the Annoying But Endearing)** : ucantcantcantcant

 

 **Piano baka** : My backpack has an account?? When??

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : even tenko's four-blade axe has one??? say hi windmill!

 

 **Windmill (the Axe)** : For the last time my name is Eerika, not windmill.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : well anyway. what exactly do u wanna send me???

 

 **Piano baka** : What… Would you want? Money? I got 200 Common Monster Gold, and 68,540,889 Siren's Tears. You want some?

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : theres a lot u can do, butttttttttt no money. dont really need those. im filthy rich with Secret Cruor Species. 

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : maybe you can do services for Wildheart?

 

 **Piano baka** : Wildheart? The Manor? You talk like it has a consciousness.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : welp you kinda can say that. even when i have inherited the house for 5 years, i still dont know the depth of Wildheart. nonetheless, some of my dear tenants do pay with services.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Me, for example, takes care of the manor. Trims the grass in the garden, makes sure the Dragonmouth stay hydrated and quiet, and just generally keeping the manor in nice conditions.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Ouma-san takes care of security.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : i wont really call limp tail running around the manor half-formed "security", but i guess i can still give him props for trying.

 

 **Violet Prince** : It's not just "trying", you ungrateful urchin! Don't forget all the times I caught those puny humans for you!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : whose souls you promptly eat for dinner, you mean!

 

 **Violet Prince** : That's part of normal hydra diet you dumb dumb! 

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I swear to God, for the last time, you people have to shut up.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : speaking of which harukawasan! its been nearly 2 months since you paid your own rent??

 

 **RedRapunzel** : So?

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : so??? SO??? You??? Should Pay It???

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I don't have any soul shard.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : then??? perhaps you and akamatsu should both pay???

 

 **Piano baka** : I guess?…

* * *

**Piano baka** : guys i'm in a crisis what do i do?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : you panick enough to ignore capitalization???

 

 **Piano baka** : momota-kun! perhaps you can enlighten me about this a bit?? what do you pay?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : nah akamatsu, life auras arent just stuff non-nature monsters can get.

 

 **Piano baka** : … welp sirens really arent nature monsters… anybody else?

 

 **Sick of your shite** : I'm not a nature monster! What about paying with bone steel? In Asgard it's a hot item! Iruma-san loves those stuff!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : As you can tell from earlier, Iruma-san has my soul shards accumulated over the years. Sirens can suck souls, perhaps you can go for that?

 

 **Piano baka** : I'm… Not really interested in taking apart souls…

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta pays with fishes!

 

 **Piano baka** : (´,,•∀•,,`) That sounds like something I can go for!

 

 **Gonta** : Sorry! Gonta didn't type everything out! Gonta means the fishes from an islamd called Shetland Islands. And only sillaks and piltaks.

 

 **Piano baka** : ………

 

 **Gonta** : And Gonta means to type "island" instead of "islamd"! Gonta apologizes for the typo! It is truly ungentlemanly!

 

 **Piano baka** : It's alright Gonta-kun! I appreciate your help! 

 

 **Piano baka** : I may not be able to fish such specific fishes, but Gonta-kun does remind me of one thing: you guys all pay with what naturally comes to you, isn't it? Like Gonta-kun with his fishes, Shinguuji-kun with his soul shards…

 

 **Piano baka** : … Perhaps I can pay with something back from my home?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : That's an angle you can work with, Akamatsu-san. Perhaps you have something back home you can pay with.

 

 **Glowbug (the Annoying but Endearing)** : forthelasttimeidontcount!!

 

 **Piano baka** : Of course I won't give you up Glowbug! You had been my best bud since forever! There's no way I'd give you up!

 

 **Violet Prince** : (did she just use the group chat to talk with her own backpack IN HER ROOM instead of just?? talking with it??)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : (Don't make fun of Akamatsu-san, or I'm telling everyone about the Panta incident circa the very beginning of this manor)

 

 **Violet Prince** : ( Σ(っ °Д °;)っ SAIHARA-CHAN DONT)

 

 **Piano baka** : I must ask again, do they…

 

 **RealMage** : Yes they do. Damned whippersnappers.

 

 **Piano baka** : Speaking of which, Harukawa-san! What are you going to pay?? Maybe we can collaborate on that? ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Hmm… What do you have in mind?

* * *

**cosmicthunder** : i know i said i can take life auras to iruma, but??? im so exhausted i dont know where to start??

 

 **Violet Prince** : momota-chan, it's 2 am. you are waking up everyone at this rate.

 

 **RealMage** : to be honest, i also dont know what potion to brew for her this month…

 

 **Violet Prince** : i know it's like, only 3 of us here rite now, but do u guys ever wonder what miu-chan is doing in the basement?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Gggo THEFUCK to sleep

 

 **cosmicthunder** : … kirumi are u okay

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : iF U ALL Shhhut up then MAYBE

 

 **Violet Prince** has blocked  **Toujou Kirumi**

 

 **Violet Prince** : Maybe we should try infiltrating it! We deserve to know the truth, right??

 

 **RealMage** : whenever u come up w/ something it's bound to be a disaster.

 

 **Violet Prince** : whatevs u say :-P what do u guys say?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i thought i made it clear at the beginning that i literally wants nothing to do with u. esp since ur a bloody hydra.

 

 **Violet Prince** : come now momota-chan :((((( im not that charmless, am i?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : yes u are??? u fucking stole my totem on my first day here??? not to mention as a thunderbird i could sense danger and i sense danger everytime u are within 10 metres radius with me.

 

 **Violet Prince** : is this the single longest paragraph i've ever seen momota-chan type? i wonder why?? 

 

 **Violet Prince** : maybe……… momota-chan fancy me? ( ˘•ω•˘ ) 

 

 **cosmicthunder** : dtggsdfjbghbvddfvv

 

 **RealMage** : come on you two. your like 200+ y/o combined together.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : I SWEAR TO ALL GODS MY OWN PARENTS AND MY OWN FUVKING TOTEM WHICH I HELD ONTO FOR MY LIFE

 

 **cosmicthunder** : I HAVE NEVER WASTED A SEC O MY LIFE FANCYING OUMA TWINKICHI 

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ILL FANCY EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD BEFORE YOU

 

 **Violet Prince** : are u really sure ha ♬︎*(๑ºั╰︎╯︎ºั๑)♡︎

 

 **Prince of Tennis**  has banned **Violet Prince**  and **cosmicthunder** from the chat

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : how many more times

* * *

private chat with  **RedRapunzel**

**Piano baka** : Harukawa-san!! I wanna share some ideas on what we can pay!!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : like?

 

 **Piano baka** : I wanna make a music box!! Other than playing piano and singing, I have also learnt the arts of making music boxes!! It's kinda a coping mechanism for me to distract myself from the ocean, haha.

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I do not see how I can be involved with this.

 

 **Piano baka** : I heard from Iruma-san that you are a professional childcare worker!! That must mean you know quite a lot about beautiful lullabies!! My idea is that we make a music box that can easily put people to sleep!! I kinda got the idea because I heard that Iruma-san gets insomnia sometimes.

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Well… I'm afraid I can't help.

 

 **Piano baka** : huh? ⊙_⊙ Did I do something wrong?

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Nothing… I just don't think my talent can help you. It's still nice of you to ask. But let's not.

* * *

private chat with  **dying day in and day out**

**Piano baka** : Saihara-san help!! Σ( ° △ °|||)︴ Harukawa-san doesn't want to collaborate with me!! I mean she totally can choose not to, but I'm a bit worried about her (；′⌒`)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : To be fair…… she always has been like that. Acting elusive and secretive.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : She probably just don't want people into her life so much.

 

 **Piano baka** : Oh no…… What do I do??

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Maybe you can try… 

* * *

private chat with  **RedRapunzel**

**RedRapunzel** : Akamatsu-san, with all due respect…

 

 **RedRapunzel** : What are these?

 

 **Piano baka** : Blueberry Sea Cake! I heard you have quite the sweet tooth, so I baked the cake for you! I hope you like it and feel better!!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : (it's saihara isn't it)

 

 **RedRapunzel** : My most sincere thanks. However, let it be known that it is no easy access to my assistance. I truly would help if I can, but I just don't think you need my help in that.

 

 **Piano baka** : But that can help both of us! What's the bad in these??

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I just… Don't know how to explain this. I mean, the last time somebody asked for my help, they

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Why am I telling you this? Please, just leave me alone.

 

 **Piano baka** : Please don't go! I really want to help! Since I know about… You know…

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Since you know what?

 

 **Piano baka** : …… I… heard the music from your heart. It's a strange ability of us sirens, where when someone is experiencing strong emotions we could hear the music playing from them. 

 

 **Piano baka** : I heard your heart singing of sorrow and loss a lot of times… I know it sounds fake, but I'm not talking to you because I want to nose around your business, but because… I do care about you. The way you care about me when I first moved in.

 

 **Piano baka** : Isn't that what friends do? Depend on each other? I have no idea of the depth of your pain, but please… Let me become someone you can depend on!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : ……

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Where's your room? The manor is so huge, I still lose track most of the time.

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I will help you with the music box.

* * *

**Vaporwave Steampunk** : OLLO YALL

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : A HEAD'S UP FOR SOME OF YOU LATE FUCKERS

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : @ **cosmicthunder** ur life auras???

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : @ **RealMage** ur potions??

 

 **cosmicthunder** : dood i like just recover & u want me to take life auras to u??? do u know how difficult that is??? i literally have to rip em outta ACTUAL HUMANS & i like havent even got a chance to get out yet???

 

 **RealMage** : You should get one potion soon enough. I just need more frog eyes and I'm done.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : speaking of which, harumaki & kaede got their rent to u already???

 

 **RedRapunzel** : For the last time, do not call me "Harumaki".

 

 **Piano baka** : It's true that through our collaborative hard works, we got our rent alright!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : FYI, its a nice music box that plays EXQUISITE music that instantly cures my insomnia!! Great work u two!!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : back to business!! @ **Human Enthusiast** ur soul shards??

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Iruma-san, may I remind you, soul shards are even harder to come by than life auras. The souls literally have to exit the bodies, and the fracture procedure takes a lot of time and my strength as well. I advise you to wait a bit longer.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : finefinefine!!! 1 more week!! dont forget!! or else im feeding u to Wildheart's hearth, i shit u not!! kyakyakya!!!!

* * *

private chat with  **RedRapunzel**

**RedRapunzel** : Akamatsu-san?

 

 **Piano baka** : yes? 

 

 **RedRapunzel** : You made another music box? For me?

 

 **Piano baka** : Yesss ♪(^∇^*)  I hope you love it!!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Honestly… I am grateful. Thank you so much. I can't remember the last time similarly sweet things have happened to me.

 

 **Piano baka** : Anything for a friend!! I have to get to choir practice. Bye for now!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Goodbye, and good luck.

 

 **Piano baka** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Am I dreaming?…

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Somebody cares about me?…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I'm living up to the Akamaki tag ;-)
> 
> I actually just added it after realizing I never add it in the first place, even though it's going to be a major ship. Σ(っ °Д °;)っ Silly ol' me
> 
> Anyway enjoy~~ The ship is probably slow burn though, hope you guys don't mind~~


	5. By doing so, you would achieve MAXIMUM VELOCITY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoshi reveals an unexpected side of him.

**Piano baka** : Guys ~\\(≧▽≦)/~

 

 **Piano baka** : The annual Celesta-Terra Race is starting soon~~ ε-(´∀｀; )

 

 **Piano baka** : I'm so excited!!

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Akamatsu-san honestly did not strike me as the type to enjoy races! Does Akamatsu-san has her own ride?

 

 **Piano baka** : Haha, not really. It's just that one time my Dad took me to see a semi-final match that took place close to where we lived, so I know! I thought the races are very fascinating to watch!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : a fellow enthusiast!! have you ever bet then??

 

 **Piano baka** : ?? To me the fun is in seeing the racers' passion and everyone rallying for their favorite!! I have never bet!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : huhhhhh???? but theres no fun without betting and winning, dont u think??

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Tenko thinks nasty boys like you shouldn't interfere in others' enjoyment of the game! Plus, gambling is bad!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : it's not like you've ever won, though.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ahhh my own bro betrays me??

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i'm not betraying you. i'm just pointing out a fact.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : also, i understand everyone's enthusiasm, but please refrain from spamming the chat every second about it. thx.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **Piano baka** : Ohhhh is Hoshi-kun alright? :-O

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : kyakyakya! little star is always gloomy and pretty much a cryptid here anyway. dont mind dont mind!

 

 **Piano baka** : Okay, I suppose…

* * *

 **Piano baka** : So??? Am I the only one who ever made my own fancar??

 

 **RealMage** : The more you speak, the more you astound my immense wisdom, Akamatsu. But yes, I too have made my own.

 

 **Piano baka** : Woah >3< I wish I get to see it :D

 

 **Violet Prince** : I can show you mine!

 

 **RealMage** : Oh darn.

 

 **Violet Prince** sent file " **my first model car ☆_☆.png** "

 

 **Violet Prince** : Look at my sweet ride!

 

 **RealMage** : Your Watercraft ability is so entry-level, I'm surprised you let us see it at all.

 

 **Violet Prince** : ohhh why is it that everyone who has a crush on me acts so mean towards me :-((((

 

 **RealMage** : I don't have a crush on you! I only like Tenko! If you say that one more time I will crush you with my gremlin-destroying magic!!!!

 

 **Violet Prince** : chill yummy-chan

 

 **Violet Prince** : *yumeno-chan

 

 **Sick of your shite** : WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU OUMA

 

 **Sick of your shite** : EERIKA AND I WILL BANISH YOU TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELHEIM

 

 **Violet Prince** : oh damn :-X tenko-chan is pissed off and wants to kill a HYDRA?? REALLY?? A SEMI-VALKYRIE AGAINST A HYDRA????

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Why must you people trash around the great hall, which I so painstakingly take after?

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : i dont understand how toujou is able to type up everything so ?? grammatically correct and no mistake. how is she so calm

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : No matter. I have already asked for Hoshi-san's assistance to clean up.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : these yammering youngsters may be a bother, but at least they are good practice for my skills.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : also… what did i said about the spamming?

 

 **Piano baka** : haha about that???

 

 **Piano baka** has gone  **Offline!**

* * *

 **Piano baka** has added  **RealMage** ,  **cosmicthunder** , **dying day in and day out** ,  **Red Rapunzel** and 7 others to the group chat

 

 **Piano baka** has renamed the group chat from " **Untitled Group Chat** " to " **You guys won't slam me for talking more abt the race right** "

 

 **RealMage** : Sure won't. As I was saying, my own car is based on the Archmage Vidalia's Crystal Dream. Looks something like that.

 

 **RealMage** sent file " **my own crystal dream.png** "

 

 **RealMage** : My Orecraft at that time is still rusty, so the ornaments don't look as good though.

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta thinks the car is very beautiful! Gonta believes that with time, Yumeno-san's ability must has improved!

 

 **RealMage** : That's some really high hope from you, Gonta… I'm not sure…

 

 **Gonta** : (ง ˙o˙)ว Gonta doesn't mean it like that! Gonta is sorry for putting pressure on you!

 

 **RealMage** : It's okay, Gonta, you didn't. I appreciate the sentiment.

 

 **RealMage** : Speaking of which… Gonta knows how to use emoticons?

 

 **Gonta** : Shinguuji-san taught me!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I thought that after all these years in the human world, Gokuhara-san deserves the knowledge of how to master this arcane arts of expression.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Additionally, have any of you ever felt the joy of watching humans car racing instead?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : nah dood, humans are boring

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Humans are boring?

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Knock it off, you two. Before you brew more trouble for Akamatsu.

 

 **Piano baka** : (ฅ>ω<*ฅ) Harukawa-san my "ragtime gal"!! How are you doing for the preliminary matches?

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I'm not actually interested, but upon your recommendation, I did look the matches up a bit… They are decently entertaining, I suppose.

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Ծ ̮ Ծ Is that a new ship sailing into the horizon???!!! (･ิϖ･ิ)っ

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Shirogane Tsumugi.

 

 **Miss Changeling** : d(ŐдŐ๑) Perhaps I should just stay on topic???

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Since I grow up as a human, I have pretty much no chance of watching anything… But I start watching in recent years and I feel really inspired!! Me and my buddy back then love cosplaying as the racer and their car!!!

 

 **Piano baka** : Σ(っ °Д °;)っ You cosplay as a car???!!!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Calm down!! It's like, just twice

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I cannot trust you people at all.

 

 **Gonta** : If this isn't any interference to anyone, Gonta wants to know if the Crowmen Drifts are still accepting members?

 

 **Piano baka** : ??? I don't think there's a team like that??? And I didn't thought Gonta's own people's team is this???

 

 **Gonta** : Nothing! Gonta is just asking for a friend! What about the Solaris Craftsmen?

 

 **Piano baka** : Um that's a lot of obscure teams you are talking about, Gonta-kun. I thought that team disbanded a long time ago???

 

 **Gonta** : Alright! Thank you very much Akamatsu-san

 

 **Gonta** had gone  **Offline!**

 

 **Piano baka** : So……… If you guys don't mind, can we, like share each other's dream cars like Himiko? I'll show you mine!

 

 **Piano baka** sent file " **Music Drift.png** "

 

 **Piano baka** : What do you guys think?? I'm still pretty proud of my handiwork back when I was 8!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : That looks like…

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : … An music box.

 

 **Miss Changeling** : I still think Akamatsu-san did a great job!

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta agrees!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I honestly do not understand your enthusiasm for making model cars that do not run.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : That seems like a waste of time.

 

 **RedRapunzel** : At least she did make it. Unlike you.

 

 **Piano baka** : It's okay, Harukawa-san… I don't let jabs like these hurt me.

 

 **RealMage** : Shinguuji, if you have no intention of carrying a meaningful convo w/ us, maybe you should stop.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I'm merely pointing out the strangeness of such acts. Humans make actual cars that can race up to 273 mph.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Plus, humans can literally make a car from scratch virtually out of nothing, while monsters have to rely on a bit of magic and their own prowess. Aren't humans much more magnificent in that way?

 

 **Piano baka** has banned  **Human Enthusiast** from the group chat

 

 **Piano baka** : I don't mean to act like an a**hole but

 

 **Piano baka** : He's starting to sound like a troll.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie is actually inclined to agree! Since you guys are talking about fancars, Angie wants to showcase hers as well!

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** sent file " **Vertigo (๑‾ ꇴ ‾๑).png** "

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : True to its name, the colors are meant to send ppl into v e r t i g o ✌三✌( 'ω' )✌三✌

 

 **Piano baka** : I wowwwww

 

 **cosmicthunder** : holy smokes u mmmakke a ttttttttthuntr birb feels dizzy as shit dood 

 

 **RealMage** : … Angie, I told you…

* * *

**Wildheart Gang (｡◝ᴗ◜｡)**

**Piano baka** : Guys??? I can't find Hoshi-san???

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : are u suppose to??? i didnt thot u were close to little star???

 

 **Piano baka** : I mean, no but I was trying to contact him but he's nowhere to be seen???

 

 **Violet Prince** : lmfao that sounds like an elaborate joke about how smol he is akamatsu-chan

 

 **dying day in and day out** : ouma-kun…

 

 **Violet Prince** : that's my cue to leave isn't it

 

 **Violet Prince** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : i honestly dont see how u need to find hoshi???

 

 **Piano baka** : Actually… I was asking for Gonta. He's out looking for him but he's so exhausted now he totally passed out. We are both worried about Hoshi-san.

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : well……… did u guys check the local cemetery?

 

 **Piano baka** : Iruma-san, please this is no laughing matter!!

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : no srsly he pops up around there sometimes. also what abt the library?

 

 **Piano baka** : Neither.

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : ummmm the entirety of Wildheart??

 

 **Piano baka** : Nooooope.

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : ok im outta clues.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : did u guys check the tennis court in the sports centre???

 

 **Piano baka** : No! That's brilliant Momota-kun! I'll go check now!!

 

 **Piano baka** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i mean… his handle is lit. "prince of tennis"?? smfh

* * *

 **Prince of Tennis** : @ **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** hey pixie

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : What is it Ryouma-kun???

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i want to commission you to make a "banner of regret" for me.

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : kyakyakya! little star, did u accidentally poke ur dick into somewhere u shouldnt lol 

 

 **Prince of Tennis** has blocked  **Pastel Steampunk**

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i trust you all not to be stupid enough to tell iruma what i said and going to say.

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : ahhhhhhhh im blocked!!! tf!!!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : back to topic. yonaga-san, i want to commission you to make a banner of regret for me.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Should Angie just make a banner that says "I regret everything" or with specific wording??

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : specific wording. i'll pm you the details.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Consider it done!

 

 **Piano baka** : Um, Hoshi-san, if you don't mind me asking… Are you really okay?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i'm fine. just going through a clusterfuck.

 

 **Piano baka** : … Really? That doesn't sound… "fine" to me.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I'm fine.

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Leave it for now, Akamatsu. Not wise to keep talking when Hoshi resorts to proper capitalization.

 

 **Piano baka** : ……… Alright.

* * *

private chat with  **RedRapunzel**

 **Piano baka** : Harukawa-san, do you??? happen to know what's wrong with Hoshi-san?

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Hmm… Can't exactly say that, Akamatsu. I am friend with him, but we both have boundaries we don't trespass.

 

 **Piano baka** : I mean, I'm no psychiatrist, but even I can tell Hoshi-san is really upset!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Akamatsu. Your kind can literally hear what a heart sings.

 

 **Piano baka** : …… Well that's true but I don't think I can figure Hoshi-san out!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Maybe it has something to do with the Races?

 

 **Piano baka** : That's a good point Harukawa-san! I'm going to ask him now!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Akamatsu! Didn't I warn you not to?

 

 **Piano baka** has left the current chat

 

 **RedRapunzel** : Dang it you spunky siren…

* * *

private chat with  **Prince of Tennis**

**Piano baka** : Hoshi-san! I think I get it now! 

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : what. what do you understand me abt?

 

 **Piano baka** : You!… You…

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i what?

 

 **Piano baka** : …… I don't know

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : so why are you still bothering me?

 

 **Piano baka** : …………… Well I actually know! You still love the Celesta-Terra Race don't you?!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : … so?

 

 **Piano baka** : so? so???!!! so alot hoshi-kun!!

 

 **Piano baka** : Excuse the previous message. But Hoshi-san, you can't just write this off as some okay thing. You're so upset!! Nobody, least of all you, would like to see you being like that, right?

 

 **Piano baka** : I mean, even if you can't fathom everyone's feelings, consider Gonta-kun's, at the very least. Based on the fact that he had asked me on the chat earlier about if the teams still have vacancies, Gonta-kun must really care about you, right?

 

 **Piano baka** : And I did know… Crowmen Drifts is the Tengu's representative team.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Well, aren't you a clever one.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : When I was banished from the Kotengu, I have nowhere to go. Everyday I merely existed, without a spark of my soul.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : That finally ended when I found a team of dwarfs. Dwarfs are famous for their handcrafts. And short height. That sounds like a mean thing to say but it's thanks to my own short height that I mix in well with them.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : The Solaris Craftsmen's only ambition is to win in the Celesta-Terra Race. They make excellent and beautiful cars, but lack quite the skills to drive them well. I might be a Tengu, but I'm good with car-driving. So with my expertise, the team started winning.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : But eventually the organizer found out who I am. They don't allow mixed-race teams, so they disqualified me. 

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I was too ashamed to say anything, so I just forced myself to forget. But then you brought it up…

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I really want to race again, but I guess it's impossible. Thank you for wanting to help me though, I appreciate the sentiment.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **Piano baka** : Wait!

 

 **Piano baka** : Shite, I feel like I just make everything worse. 

 

 **Piano baka** : Can I do anything to help?…

* * *

 **Pastel Steampunk** : @ **Prince of Tennis** C'mon and mace! and welcome to the race!

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : psych, that sounds awful, but anyway… little star where u at?

 

 **Piano baka** : Hoshi-san we have a huge gift for you!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : That……… Car?

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta has worked on it as well! Gonta collected the wood!

 

 **RealMage** : I put the parts together. With professional magic, I assure you.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie painted the shell!

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : i drew the blueprint! kyakyakya!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i brought the food!

 

 **Violet Prince** : And I brought the Panta!!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : nobody likes your shitty panta

 

 **Violet Prince** : and your the only one who'll eat those chips!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Knock it off, you two.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I suppose even Saihara-kun cannot enlighten me on what happened?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Akamatsu-san told us about your story, so we built the car for you!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : That girl has no concept of privacy does she……… But it's not like I can race anyway. I don't have a team to go to.

 

 **Piano baka** : False, Hoshi-san! Here:

 

 **Piano baka** has started a group call!

 

[Transcript]

Hello, this is the Solaris Craftsmen leader, Asmund Freyason, son of Freya. Is it Hoshi? We miss you, man. Just wanna tell you that our team is officially non-representative, so we can accept any monster to join us. I hope you still have passion for racing and your skills haven't got rusty, haha. No pressure! If you wanna join us, come to the Dagny Memorial Stadium so we can prep you for the race tomorrow.

[End of Transcript]

 

 **Piano baka** : There, Hoshi-san! Will you go now?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **cosmicthunder** : THE CAR IS GONE

 

 **Violet Prince** : HOSHI-CHAN GOING OUT THERE TO MAKE US PROUD

 

 **Pastel Steampunk** : PREPARE ALL THE PARTY FOOD

* * *

private chat with  **Prince of Tennis**

**Prince of Tennis** : you're a daredevil, akamatsu

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : but thanks to you… i can race again unashamedly.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Thank you.

 

 **Piano baka** : No probs, Bob!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : You have my blessing. 

 

 **Piano baka** : And I got yours!

* * *

 **cosmicthunder** : guys how do i navigate the stadium

 

 **Violet Prince** : tchtchtch! as expected, momota-chan is a dumbie!

 

 **Piano baka** : Come back to Aisle 15! Hoshi-san's race is starting!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I might be a bit nosy here, but may I inquire… What is the name of Hoshi-san's car?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Why don't you just ask me? The name of the car…

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : … Is "Lost Dream Redeemed".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah this got surprisingly long (mostly due to the spacing actually)
> 
> The V3 tag lacks in "Hoshi being happy" content so I'm here to provide!… Hope you guys enjoy and hope it isn't overtly ooc lol 
> 
> Some of the kids' typing styles are kinda inconsistent and I apologize… Sometimes I'm not sure how they type so they change overtime… Also I apologize for the lack of Amami/Shirogane/Angie I guess??? I don't have very solid ideas of how to write them yet, hopefully I'll remedy that overtime as well.
> 
> Is it Goshi or not??? I'm not sure either, I guess it can be romantic if you want.
> 
> Hope you guys like it!


	6. Nasty Boys™ present: Horrendous Dinner at Wildheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenko finally becomes a full-fledged Valkyrie, and to celebrate she brings everyone to dinner.
> 
> And by "everyone" she means all the girls only. The Nasty Boys™ will have to fend for themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this fic has 5 bookmarks now! ヾ(●´∇｀●)ﾉ This really calls for celebration!
> 
> A chapter without Kaede particularly helping out anyone with their Deep Issues™? Yeah it's possible

**Sick of your shite** adds **RealMage** ,  **Piano baka** ,  **Vaporwave Steampunk** ,  **Miss Changeling** and 3 others to the group chat.

 

 **Sick of your shite** renamed the group chat from " **Untitled Group Chat** " to " **Tenko's celebration dinner!!** "

 

 **Sick of your shite** : yo everyone!!!

 

 **Sick of your shite** : tenko has received a promotion from Odin himself!!!

 

 **Sick of your shite** : tenko is a full-on Valkyrie now!!!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Chabashira-san is excited enough to forget capitalization, you must be really happy!! Congratulation!!

 

 **RealMage** : Congrats Tenko-chan I love you so much (^з^)-☆

 

 **Sick of your shite** : 333333~~~

 

 **Piano baka** : Congratulation! I know you worked really hard for it, so I'm really happy for you too!!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : i know i call you flat chest alot, but im glad 4 u 2, flat chest!

 

 **RedRapunzel** : I'm glad for you as well. It must takes a lot to become a proper Valkyrie. 

 

 **Sick of your shite** : It takes a really good heroine that I picked up actually! I happened to get her soul quick enough to Valhalla. She's really impressive! She single-handly saved a group of kids from one of Fenrir's children!

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : That must had been a dazzling feat. I'm so proud of you as well.

 

 **✧*｡Angie✧*｡** : Angie will paint a portrait of Tenko-chan to honor the occasion!

 

 **Sick of your shite** : It's really sweet of you guys!! You are the best!! 

 

 **Sick of your shite** : For this celebratory occasion, Tenko wants to treat you guys to dinner at Valhalla!

 

 **Miss Changeling** : Huh?! I thought only Einherjar, Valkyries and Odin go there?

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Calm down Shirogane-san! It's a common tradition to let trainee Valkyries bring their friends and loved ones to the Valhalla Smorgasbord to celebrate their promotion! It's not actually dining in Valhalla, but Smorgasbord's food is still divine! It usually contains hors d'oeuvrs, hot and cold meats, smoked and pickled fish, cheese, salads, and relishes!

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : that sounds rly gr8 (& makes me rly hungry _(´□`」 ∠)_  )

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Don't worry! The banquet starts at 6:45 pm, so make sure you guys gather at the London Eye there. A shuttle bus will take us to the Smorgasbord!

 

 **Piano baka** : Alright! Remember that, guys!

* * *

private chat with **Sick of your shite**

**Piano baka** : Small question, Chabashira-san… You are not gonna forget about the boys, right?

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Shhh, Akamatsu-san! I plan not to let them know about it on purpose. They only let me take 7 of my friends, so those nasty boys will have to cater to themselves.

 

 **Piano baka** : I suppose I can understand that line of logic. In that case, I'll keep quiet!

 

 **Sick of your shite** : Thanks!

* * *

 **cosmicthunder** : @ **Toujou Kirumi** sorry to bother u kirumi but when will dinner be ready?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : toujousan pls???

 

 **Violet Prince** : lol ur like 173 but u still cant take care of ur own dinner smfh

 

 **cosmicthunder** : we are all used to that! u cant blame me??

 

 **Violet Prince** : i eat souls only on a bi-monthly basis? and have my own panta bottle of it just in case?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : I eat deer, cattle, fish and the likes. They are quite easy to hunt.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : sure af 4 u 2 but some of us are still monsters who get hungry and cant eat human food!!!

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta would also like to know when will dinner commence! Gonta is really hungry after all the exploring.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I've done a cursory search throughout the house, but it seems that none of the girls are in the house. I wonder where they have gone?

 

 **sweaterboi** : hello guys i've been mia for some time. what's new?

 

 **Gonta** : Please excuse Gonta's ignorance, but Gonta doesn't know that Amami-san is genderfluid? Gonta does think "Mia" is a pretty good name!

 

 **sweaterboi** : sorry for confusing you gonta, i actually mean MIA, as in "missing in action". i'm… possibly genderfluid. i'm not sure yet.

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta thinks that's "swell"! Gonta doesn't adhere to the gender binary humans and monsters impose either!

 

 **sweaterboi** : (◍′˘‵◍) nb boys unite, i suppose! 

 

 **Kiibo** : Count me in please! I also identify as non-binary!

 

 **sweaterboi** : alright kiibo-kun! but i heard that the main issue we are discussing at hand is regarding where the gals go, right?

 

 **Gonta** : That is true! Even Iruma-san has gone off!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Iruma-san usually stays perpetually in her basement, near where Wildheart's hearth is located. It is truly peculiar that they are not here.

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** has gone  **Online!**

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : kyakyakya! we girls have gone out for dinner! u boys will have to take care of ur own!

 

 **sweaterboi** : i thought iruma-san has moved on from vaporwave already?

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : im digging the aesthetic again

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** : anyway!!! toujousan wont take care of ur dinner today!!! go make ur own lol 

 

 **Vaporwave Steampunk** has gone  **Offline!**

 

 **sweaterboi** : shit. luckily i can still get dinner at sainsberry… but then again it's england. 

 

 **sweaterboi** : i will have to hurry. quick, what do u ppl wanna eat i can buy em back.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : im a thunderbird!!! i cant eat human food!!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Oooh. It must sucks to be you, Momota-chan. :-(

 

 **cosmicthunder** has blocked  **Violet Prince**

 

 **Violet Prince** : wtf i'M BLOCKED

 

 **cosmicthunder** : is that rly a surprise

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i can eat horses, cows, but!!! unlike saihara's they are all human-owned most of the time and eating them str8 from a human farm is violating that human-monster interaction accord thingy and i cant risk going to jail!!! damnit

 

 **sweaterboi** : how abt i buy some frozen beef? i mean im no toujou-level culinary master but i can still cook a mean broth if i have to

 

 **cosmicthunder** : i cant, i have to eat!!! things that are alive!!!

 

 **sweaterboi** : then i guess i have to take care of the others first, sorry momota-kun. anybody else?

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta can handle dead fish! Please buy some fish back!

 

 **sweaterboi** : sorry gonta the fish are sold out. how abt salmon salad?

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta can accept that!

 

 **sweaterboi** : alright. anybody else?

 

 **Kiibo** : Does Amami-san happen to find any Lucky Charm sweets??

 

 **sweaterboi** : they are quite popular in britain, i suppose i can!

 

 **Kiibo** : Apology, Amami-san! I mean the Lucky Charms® you can find in FuzzyWish Bazaar! It's not in the human realm.

 

 **sweaterboi** : um, that certainly makes everything more complicated…

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : If Amami-san can take an excursion to FuzzyWish Bazaar, can you buy me a Ghosty Bites® energy bars as well? That should be quite enough for me.

 

 **sweaterboi** : so……… does anybody want human food?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : if it does not bother you, can you get some fresh dead meat? any type would suffice, and only as fresh as it gets, of course.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : Alright. Amami, let me go with you.

 

 **sweaterboi** : well considering how much monsters dont like the likes of me… alright.

* * *

** Wildheart Boys' Dinner Crisis™ **

**Violet Prince** : I brought some of you guys Panta! Wanna take this before Amami-chan and my beloved dragon bring sthg back?

 

 **cosmicthunder** : none of us like ur panta just gIVE UP 

 

 **Violet Prince** : Oh, Momota-chan un-blocks me! He must be really desperate (◔◡◔)

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ggghhhh i dont want to but……… what is this really good smell???

 

 **Violet Prince** : Nothing, just some peanut butter cake in a mug! Peanut butter pie mousse, hot fudge, and whipped cream, all in one cozy mug~~

 

 **Violet Prince** : I mean, it's not like I need to eat any mortal food beyond souls, but I implore Momma Toujou to teach me how to make these cozy snacks in mugs, so I can ~~always~~ flaunt my tasty food in nature monsters' faces (๑˙❥˙๑)

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ahhhhhhhh nature monsters cant eat non-living things!!!

 

 **Violet Prince** : The peanut butter is really good~~ So delicious~~

 

 **cosmicthunder** : GGGO THE FUXK AWAY

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : It's getting rather late. Are Amami-kun and Saihara-kun alright, I wonder?

 

 **Kiibo** : Saihara-kun is a dragon, so I suppose he can handle himself and Amami-kun.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I suppose.

* * *

 **Violet Prince** : they are back!!! they are somewhere in central london, shouldn't be long now.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : is my food here???

 

 **dying day in and day out** : yea we got a live demon-lamb-in-a-tube. 

 

 **cosmicthunder** : good!!!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Is my beloved Saihara-chan doing great? ♬︎*(๑ºั╰︎╯︎ºั๑)♡︎

 

 **dying day in and day out** : of course! amami is a bit sick though. I guess it's just the effects of visiting the monster realm.

 

 **Kiibo** : My sincerest thanks to everyone!

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I suppose that concludes our dinner crisis.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : wAIT HOW DO I DRINK THIS SHIT

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : …… Or so it seems.

* * *

 **Gonta** : Gonta has an urgent matter to discuss with you all!

 

 **Violet Prince** : it's 9:00 pm what could be so urgent gonta?

 

 **Gonta** : It's true that we have all eaten, but what about Amami-san? Did he had his dinner?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : oh

 

 **dying day in and day out** : oHHHH

 

 **dying day in and day out** : thAT'S WHY HE SEEMS SICK

 

 **dying day in and day out** : IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STARVING CCHHFXGHFSD*HAV

 

 **Violet Prince** : Gonta! You broke my boyfriend! 

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta did not intend to hurt Saihara-san, but Gonta finds that to be a pressing matter!

 

 **Gonta** : Amami-san has done his best to help all of us buy dinner, but we completely neglected the fact that he too needs to eat!

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta thinks that must be compensated immediately!

 

 **Violet Prince** : But I didn't eat anything from him!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : you're helping as well you little violet hydra or i'm never touching your tail again

 

 **Kiibo** : What is this awful sound emitting from Ouma-kun's room?

 

 **Violet Prince** : ERCBKKKNVASFB HE SAY IT SAIHARA-CHAN SAY IT

 

 **Violet Prince** : HE CALLS ME BY MY PET NAME CHYEWAXVHV

 

 **Violet Prince** : HOW WILL I EVER BE SATISFIED AGAIN WITHOUT YOUR CLAWS ON MY TAIL

 

 **Kiibo** : ……… Did I stumble upon something I shouldn't see, Gokuhara-san?……

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta assures you, this is the public chat. But… Gonta does not understand either…

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : it's just that two flirting inappropriately again. usually i'd kick them out, but considering the issue at hand, it seems like we need everyone here except amami.

 

 **sweaterboi** : huh? i dont wanna read all the way up, can someone explain whats happening?

 

 **dying day in and day out** has banned  **sweaterboi** from the chat

 

 **dying day in and day out** : we can't let you know. sorry.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : so, first we had to decide what's best for him.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : as far as i can remember, amami-san likes to eat ratatouille mostly. 

 

 **Violet Prince** : That sounds like a human film for some unknown reason. Are you sure that's not a joke Saihara-chan ?_?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : kokichi if i see you typing in another word that does not contribute anything then your tickets to next week's Be More Chill show will be burnt.

 

 **Violet Prince** : GYAHHHHHHHH 

 

 **Violet Prince** : I CANT LIVEWITHOUT YOU OR BE MORE CHILL

 

 **Violet Prince** : SHUUICHI I NEED YOU ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

 

 **dying day in and day out** : just promise to stop spamming alright?

 

 **Violet Prince** : Alright!!  ฅ( ̳• ◡ • ̳)ฅ

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Saihara-kun, you mentioned ratatouille, but what exact ingredients do we need?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : lemme check online first…

 

 **dying day in and day out** : hmm "2 large aubergines, 4 small courgettes, 2 red or yellow peppers, 4 large ripe tomatoes, 5 tbsp olive oil, supermarket pack or small bunch basil, 1 medium onion, peeled and thinly sliced, 3 garlic cloves, peeled and crushed, 1 tbsp red wine vinegar, 1 tsp sugar (any kind)".

 

 **dying day in and day out** : i'll go buy the ingredients!

 

 **Kiibo** : Saihara-san wait! The kitchen has some of them!

 

 **Kiibo** : Like courgettes, red peppers, tomatoes, olive oil, onions, garlic cloves, and sugar, I believe!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : are you sure they are enough though?

 

 **Kiibo** : Yes! You can rely on my measurement tools!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : so i'll just buy aubergines, basil and red wine vinegar.

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : Let me go with you, Saihara-san. I am a peculiar and has more expansive knowledge on human conventions.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : alright! 

 

 **Violet Prince** : (But isn't Shinguuji-chan kinda creepy…)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : your Dear Evan Hansen tickets are closely reaching Momota's hands.

 

 **cosmicthunder** : ill gladly help shuuichi!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Uwaaaaaa my hard-earned ticketsssssssss 

 

 **Violet Prince** : :-X

 

 **dying day in and day out** : let's go!

* * *

 **Kiibo** : Is there anything I can do with the ingredients at hand?

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : wait up, i'm searching for that recipe Saihara mentioned earlier.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : "Cut off the courgettes ends, then across into 1.5cm slices. Peel the peppers from stalk to bottom. Hold upright, cut around the stalk, then cut into 3 pieces. Cut away any membrane, then chop into bite-size chunks."

 

 **Kiibo** : Leave it to me!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Ohhhh Kiibo, can a little robot larper like you really cook human food? :-(

 

 **Kiibo** : I have no time for your jabbers, Ouma-kun! If you don't want to help, then please lay off!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Ohhhh Kiibo's throwing out the human-like huge words! I'm so scared :-(

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Ouma. Please stop.

 

 **Violet Prince** : …… Okay.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : guys we are almost back!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Did Shinguuji-chan scare any human to death?

 

 **dying day in and day out** : well

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : I feel that it is no important matter at hand.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Kiibo are you done?

 

 **Kiibo** : Yes!

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : That's great. Also this whole messaging is a bit of a hassle, so I suppose I will just send you the link.

 

 **Kiibo** : Alright!

 

 **Gonta** : That's great! Now we only need the other ingredients from Saihara-san!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : i'm delivering the ingredients through the chute!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : uhhhhhh i want to point out a lil' problem here… how can we hide all this from amami

 

 **Violet Prince** : No lying we die like men

 

 **cosmicthunder** : says the resident liar

 

 **Violet Prince** : says the resident idiot

 

 **Kiibo** : Well I heard from Iruma-san that the Wildheart Manor is magicked so that the rooms' residents can choose to go directly from their rooms to the hall. Also seeing that Amami-kun has not come out, I suppose we have nothing to hide!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : small question kiibo are u tending to whatever u are doing rite now?

 

 **Kiibo** : i 

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : Kiibo what were you doing originally. do you need help. i'm coming in.

 

 **Kiibo** : 111110101010001001010000

 

 **cosmicthunder** : is that legit binary or

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : nothing. kiibo just panicked a bit. he's okay now.

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta can help! Gonta has some culinary skills too!

 

 **Violet Prince** : Then I'll be mission control! Now, where are we in the recipe??

 

 **dying day in and day out** : kokichi don't mess around

 

 **Violet Prince** : No I really want to help.

 

 **Violet Prince** : Found it! "Set a sauté pan over medium heat and when hot, pour in 2 tbsp olive oil. Brown the aubergines for 5 mins on each side until the pieces are soft. Set them aside and fry the courgettes in another tbsp oil for 5 mins, until golden on both sides. Repeat with the peppers. Don’t overcook the vegetables at this stage, as they have some more cooking left in the next step."

 

 **Violet Prince** : You guys know how to do it right?

 

 **dying day in and day out** has banned  **Violet Prince** from the group chat

 

 **dying day in and day out** : i'll have a talk with him later

 

 **cosmicthunder** : im so proud of u shuuichi! ur finally doing the right thing!

 

 **Kiibo** : I appreciate that as well!

 

 **cosmicthunder** : kiIBO UR sAUTE PAN

 

 **Kiibo** : oh no! is the aubergine too soft?

 

 **Human Enthusiast** : That doesn't sound like Kiibo-kun.

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : i swear to god that hydra shithead has a channel everywhere. he just stole kiibo's phone from the chute.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : that's it.

 

 **Kiibo** : Saihara-chan don'tttttttttt 

 

 **dying day in and day out** : the bmc & deh tickets!……

 

 **Kiibo** : I'm returning it! 

 

 **Kiibo** : I'm here to confirm that Ouma-kun has given my phone back!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : your tickets are safe now.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : however…

 

 **dying day in and day out** : wait. he's not back yet.

 

 **dying day in and day out** has unbanned  **Violet Prince** from the group

 

 **Violet Prince** : SAIHARA-CHAN I SWEAR I'M JUST DLING AN APP FOR KIIBO

 

 **Violet Prince** : I WON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE

 

 **Violet Prince** : I will be quiet, ok? :-X my sweet sweet dragon plssss ♬︎*(๑ºั╰︎╯︎ºั๑)♡︎

 

 **dying day in and day out** : ………

 

 **dying day in and day out** : let's just get amami's food ok first, alright?

 

 **Violet Prince** : alright! shuuichi is the best (๑˙❥˙๑)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : :-)

 

 **dying day in and day out** : i'm gonna call amami now!

* * *

  **Wildheart Boys' Dinner Crisis™**

 

 **dying day in and day out** has unbanned  **sweaterboi** from the group chat

 

 **dying day in and day out** : so, amami

 

 **dying day in and day out** : we… are sorry that we. forget abt your food.

 

 **dying day in and day out** : you can come down to the main hall now! we got you ratatouille!

 

 **sweaterboi** : huh? i thought u guys were having some secret monster conference that i can't attend, haha :)

 

 **Gonta** : Gonta doesn't think Amami-kun sounds alright?

 

 **sweaterboi** : uh, you got me gonta. i was just… a bit sad. because of the visit to the monster realm.

 

 **sweaterboi** : they don't treat kids like me who seems mixed of human and monster that well. the visit gets a bit disheartening, to say the least.

 

 **Gonta** : It's okay! Gonta thinks you are great! And anyone who can't see past that are just rude and disrespectful! 

 

 **Prince of Tennis** : I know we don't talk much, but I respect you too. It takes a lot for a monster to handle so many shitheads like the rest of us. You are doing great.

 

 **Violet Prince** : Yay! (´ー`)y━~~ If Amami-chan really feels down, you can always come to me and pet my head! I'm letting you have a privilege that only Saihara-chan also have ｡◕‿◕｡

 

 **sweaterboi** : thank you, you guys… 

 

 **sweaterboi** : i'm gonna enjoy the delicacy you guys cook up! ^_^

* * *

private chat with  **dying day in and day out**

**dying day in and day out** : so, ouma…

 

 **Violet Prince** : hmm? saihara-chan thinks it's unfair that i let amami-chan have that privilege to ruffle my soft hair too? i can retract it!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : it's not that, ouma. it's just, why were you messing w/ the group again?

 

 **Violet Prince** : nothing! just playing heel to increase the group's unity! don't you see how cute kiibo/gonta/hoshi trio is at cooking! it's the best!

 

 **dying day in and day out** : still, ouma, maybe try keeping the lying to a minimum that won't hurt the group? 

 

 **Violet Prince** : alright!

 

 **Violet Prince** : my true creative lying(tm) is only reserved for you •ᴗ•

 

 **dying day in and day out** :  (●'◡'●)ﾉ♥ Good boy.

* * *

** Wildheart Fam (｡◝ᴗ◜｡) **

**Sick of your shite** : yOU FUCKERS ARE BREAKING THE KITCHEN

 

 **cosmicthunder** : iT'S NOT OUR FAULT YOU DIDNT TAKE US TO DINNER

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Really, it's fine. I do enjoy taking care of the place after all, so I'm quite at peace with this.

 

 **Toujou Kirumi** : Plus, if what Amami-kun told me is of any indication, I think it has been quite a fruitful night that brings much joy to everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops it got madly out of hand again ︿(￣︶￣)︿
> 
> i actually got the idea 2 weeks ago, but only have time to write now, haha forgive me;;
> 
> Enjoy!


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